i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
