I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys