are you so shy because you have an std?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.