Betty ford says i'm here all night
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful