dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
