I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.