just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything