come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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