just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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