I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
