last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
