I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
