If i come over, it means nothing
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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