??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am one with the molecules
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
