My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
