I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
