you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So apparently I’m into choking now
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