It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
