By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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