Betty ford says i'm here all night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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