So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
