Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
