well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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