you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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