Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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