Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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