White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
