youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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