consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
