Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
