Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
