It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This girl is more easily done than said...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
