I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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