Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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