I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
