i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
