and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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