Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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