You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
