I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
