so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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