u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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