There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
