she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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