i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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