I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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