Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
