Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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