See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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