We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
