Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
