He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
