Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
