I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
