its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
