And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
