____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
