Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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