Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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