Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
