The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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