I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
