First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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