So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
