The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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