Where is the hickey?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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