3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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