I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
