I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
