No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
