Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
