I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
