I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize