Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
