hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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