There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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