We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
