i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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