I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this will be a night to untag.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
