Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
