college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
