you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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