Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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